Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
