My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
do nipples grow back?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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