k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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