I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
