I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
its not stalking. its research.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
