I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
