Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
