Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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