no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
