We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
