if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
