I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
