I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
