There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
