just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
