i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
