At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
