btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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