Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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