gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
