im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
