New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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