Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
