When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
