You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
