We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize