Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So vagazzling was a success
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
