Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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