return my video game
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
