Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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