what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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