I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
