You can't motorboat a personality
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
