I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
