that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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