i don't like sucking hair
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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