She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize