At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I have post one night stand depression
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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