he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
