I don't usually arrange sex via text message
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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