If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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