I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
