so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
