I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
