my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
