My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
