he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
