Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
