So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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