can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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