my phone needs a breathalizer
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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