True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
