This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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