Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
