Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
