at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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