erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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