this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
