about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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