There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
