just tell him i said nine months
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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