you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize