Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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