Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
