You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
