Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
