some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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