i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
