Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize