it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
